We all know her—the woman who does it all, yet never seems to have a moment to breathe (or feels like it’s “good enough”). She’s dynamic, capable, and endlessly giving. She juggles a thriving career, bakes homemade cookies for her kid’s class, and hosts the perfect dinner party for her husband’s colleagues. She never misses a workout, as if her life depends on it.
But here’s the thing—she never says yes to herself. Her calendar is packed with obligations, responsibilities, and acts of service for everyone but her. She gives generously to family, friends, even strangers—yet somehow, she’s always last on her own list.
Look closer. Does she radiate joy? Fulfillment? Or is she running on fumes, her only glow coming from the third glass of rosé at happy hour? More often than not, she’s teetering on the edge of burnout, feeling resentful, empty and disconnected. She powers through exhaustion until her body forces a full stop—collapsing into illness for days, only to drag herself back into the grind, guilt-ridden for daring to rest and failing at productivity.
Sound familiar? Is she, in fact, YOU? It’s time to ask: At what cost am I keeping up this pace? And what would happen if I finally put myself first? You might be surprised (and ego bruised) by the truth.
Many women instinctively put everyone else first—children, partners, colleagues, friends—until they completely crash and require the equivalent to a system reboot. But why do we do this? What deep-seated wounds or unconscious patterns drive us to neglect ourselves in favor of serving others?
The Shadow Side of Self-Neglect
At its core, overgiving isn’t just about generosity; it’s often about validation, control, or fear. Unhealed wounds from childhood or past relationships can create patterns of self-abandonment that manifest as people-pleasing, perfectionism, or avoidance of our own inner work.
🔹 The “Good Girl” Conditioning
From a young age, many women are taught that being “good” means being accommodating, selfless, and agreeable. We learn that our worth is measured by how much we do for others—not by who we are. “The most dangerous stories we make up are the narratives that diminish our inherent worth.” – Brené Brown
🔹 Seeking Love Through Service
Some women over-serve in relationships because they subconsciously believe love must be earned and worthiness needs validation. If we’re always the helper, the fixer, the one who never asks for anything, we won’t be abandoned… right?
🔹 Fear of Conflict or Rejection
Many women struggle with setting boundaries because they equate them with selfishness. If we say no, will we still be accepted? Will we disappoint someone? These fears stem from a deep desire to belong. “When you say yes to others, make sure you aren’t saying no to yourself.” – Paulo Coelho
🔹 Control Disguised as Care
Overgiving can also be a way to maintain control. If we take care of everything, we don’t have to sit with uncertainty or allow ourselves to be vulnerable. But true connection doesn’t come from control—it comes from authenticity.
🔹 Over-Scheduling as Avoidance
Sometimes, we make ourselves “too busy” to avoid facing uncomfortable truths about ourselves. When we fill every moment with productivity, errands, and caretaking, we don’t leave space for reflection, healing, or self-discovery. “The truth is, if we don’t make time for ourselves, we lose ourselves.” – Oprah Winfrey
How to Heal and Shift the Story
✔️ Recognize Your Patterns
Ask yourself: What am I trying to get by overgiving? Love? Security? A sense of belonging? Recognizing the underlying need allows you to meet it in a healthier way.
✔️ Redefine Worthiness
You are enough just as you are—not because of what you do for others. Start showing up for yourself the way you show up for everyone else. Recognize that your value is intrinsic — not earned.
✔️ Practice Receiving
Let yourself receive support, love, and care without guilt. It’s not weak to need help; it’s human. Graciously receiving from others is a gift that allows them the joy & generosity of giving.
✔️ Set Boundaries Without Apology
A boundary isn’t a rejection—it’s an act of self-respect. As Mel Robbins says: “The moment you start acting like your life belongs to you, it does.”
✔️ Slow Down & Get Present
When we over-schedule and overextend, we disconnect from ourselves. Make space for solitude, creativity, and nature. Trust that life will continue to flow—even if you step back and breathe. When we slow down and get quiet enough to listen, our bodies will often cue us to what she needs next: rest, release, rejuvenation.
✔️ Fill Your Own Cup First
Give yourself permission to rest, play, and prioritize joy. Not as a reward for exhaustion—but as a way of being. We need to reclaim being “selfish” as a way of caring for and honoring our deepest needs.
Ultimately, true healing starts when we stop looking for worth outside ourselves and turn inward. We deserve the love, time, and care we so freely give to others. The world doesn’t need a burned-out version of us—it needs the fullest, most radiant version.
Prioritizing our needs isn’t selfish—it’s essential. When we care for ourselves, we show up stronger, more present, and more fulfilled in every role we play. Stop waiting for permission. We deserve the same energy we give to others. Our value is intrinsic – not dependent upon the performative external validation that we seek. Once you realize that, your shine will come from within with a force that is brilliant, self-fulfilling and magnetic.💛✨
If you want to learn how to set boundaries and love yourself from the inside out, we have space for you around the campfire of sisterhood. Reach out to explore if a workshop or retreat setting is right for you to explore your transformation journey HERE >>
#ReclaimYourPower #YouAreWorthy #FillYourCup
Wild Women Tribe 