How saying “no” to something you don’t want to do can lead to more “f*ck yes” in your life

Think long and hard about your agreements – when you say “yes” and “no” in your day to day life. What feels like alignment with your values, highest excitement and delight? And what feels like a chore, duty, obligation or responsibility?

Feel into the difference between that which is a “f*ck yes”, how it lands in your body with tingles of anticipation and eagerness. Pay attention to what a definitive “hell no” feels like – a stiffness, tightening up, leaning away or contraction.When you agree to do something your body intuitively doesn’t want to do, there are a host of subtle cues that are roadmaps to your higher truth. 

Those are important clues to learning and honoring your individual self and respecting your own boundaries. Most of us walk through life treading on eggshells and putting our boundaries aside for fear of rejection, disapproval, and being a “bad” friend / family member / spouse / parent. We learn that what we truly want doesn’t matter. Or that self sacrifice and forsaking our own desires into martyrdom will ensure we are never abandoned or alone. 

Because alone is a scary concept. And being unlovable is almost too lonely to bear.

So we learn to swallow our own knowing and hide behind fake smiles of “alright-ness” as we tend to the needs of others at the detriment of our own self. What sadness and misery! And what a breeding ground for resentment, guilt tripping, and manipulation.

Well, enough’s enough and time to break that pattern and sob story! The spring Moab retreat was a milestone reset, a chance for many of our attending sisters to test the waters of their boundaries, learning how to honor their “f*ck yes” and “sacred no” without explanation, apology or shame. We extended permission to listen deeply and honestly to our own desires, without needing approval or validation from anyone else. That opened the door for women to discover what it felt like to actually listen to their own preferences without worry or guilt in disappointing anyone else.

The joy that emerged with the assertion of “no” was magnificent! We celebrated one sister in her awareness that she actually was able to say what she wanted without any negative consequence or punishment. She felt elated, proud and so supported in her ability to stand strong in her truth. What a powerful and uplifting chance to hold space for those tentative steps into sovereignty, and claiming of spaces that we once didn’t feel safe stepping into.

Because when you can say “no” with certainty, you make room for a bigger and louder “f*ck yes!” This month, May, is Mental Health Awareness month — tell us below when you felt supported and aligned in exercising your “sacred no” toward a more balanced mental state.

Some resources on learning to set and communicate healthy boundaries:

+ How To Set Healthy Boundaries & Build Positive Relationships
+ Six Tips For Setting Strong Personal Boundaries
+ Don’t Set Boundaries For Others To Honor: Set Boundaries YOU Can Honor

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