Tell me if this story sounds familiar: Once there was a good girl. She got good grades, had a lot of friends, and made her parents proud. She put others first and was kind, generous, and selfless. Putting a smile on someone else’s face made her happy. Then she knew she was doing a good job.
Fast forward to after college. She met a nice guy and they dated a while – he proposed and they got married. She was a doting wife, and later, an attentive and loving mother: birthdays and holidays were celebrated with decorations and amazing food; dinner was home cooked every night and hot on the table. She went to all the soccer games and company picnics. She got her hair colored and her nails done. She continued to put others’ needs before her own – she was selfless.
Then one day she looked in the mirror. She smiled with her mouth but her eyes were dull. She didn’t remember the last time she laughed genuinely. When someone asked her about her hobbies, passions and interests, she didn’t know what to say. She had totally and utterly lost herself.
Why is this story so familiar and one that we readily accept?
OUR PROGRAMMING
As women, we are conditioned (by our own expectations and society at large) to perform in this curated and highly externalized masterpiece theater. To caretake and caregive beyond reasonable capacity and to the detriment of our own desires. We are taught to equate our worthiness with our ability to perform and achieve. To exceed expectations. To go above and beyond. We become the best little doers there are. We excel at school, friends, work and social activities. Why? Because getting a pat on the head and being told we’re good feeds that little voice inside that tells us we deserve to be loved.
“You earned it.” “Great job!” “You’re worth it.”
And sooner or later, as with any addiction, the praise becomes hollow and unsatisfying, like finishing a sleeve of Girl Scout Cookies and craving the next one. After a while, the attention and recognition is not enough to stave off the itch to be validated. To be chosen. To be seen. To be valued. To be impressive. To be worthy of love.
Because at the end of the day, the external is never enough. It slides off us like we’re coated in Teflon and we end up increasing the volume of the outward seeking until it reaches a frenzy. Baked homemade cookies for the kids’ PTA bake sale. Trained and competed in a half marathon. Learned to speak and write fluent Japanese. DIY Hallowe’en costumes for the kids. Took up pottery and made vases for all the friends for their birthdays. Hosted a BFF getaway for 20 of your closest friends. Organized a retirement party for a cherished co-worker. The list of to-dos goes on and on and on. And it never feels satisfactory.
With every achievement and praise comes a greater and even sharper decline in the dopamine hit and the desire to exceed and outdo yourself even more for the next win. Until one day it all comes crashing down. The adrenaline high dissipates and becomes a hangover of immense proportions. Oftimes our body says, “enough” and literally shuts us down with illness that causes us to P A U S E.
THE CRASH
And what do we do when we pause? We panic. We freak out. We freeze. We fawn. We fret and worry that we’ll never get back on our feet again and ahead of the game. The rat race. The marathon that is life. Why is it that we seem to compare life to a race that needs to be trained for, endured and conquered? Because we are conditioned and programmed to feel like if we aren’t constantly being fed externally, we cease to be relevant and worthy of value.
When we rush around frantically and are constantly late, or live propelled by schedules and routines like robots programmed to maximize our efficiency, we numb out. Separate. Glaze over in a haze of monotony and lack of creativity. We are scattered, forgetful, messy, irritable and agitated. We are like robots with overheated circuitry that’s gone haywire. It’s as if we overprogram and distract ourselves 24/7 to keep from seeing and feeling the truth of our own dissatisfaction with life. We numb out to avoid doing the work of looking at our choices and complacency straight in the eye.
EGO’S FALSE PRETENSE
Why do we avoid and distract? Because Ego is doing an important job of keeping us “safe.” It perceives anything outside of the regularly scheduled program of routine behavior and patterns as security and safety that keeps us from getting hurt or vulnerable. So when we feel discomfort and fear, Ego reins us back in and says, “You can’t do that. You’ll die.” Because feeling pain sucks. It’s hard and Ego wants to protect us from unnecessary discomfort. It employs scarcity and fear tactics to keep us small (and therefore, safe from potential harm).
But urgency is not the emotion of transformation and possibility – it is the chaotic noise of Ego screaming to keep us in a fixed and predictable place. It is the distraction of the buzzing world that intends to keep us stagnant (and safe).
What if the real magic is in the uncomfortable feelings and emotions that arise in that P A U S E? The deadening silence of a life that we are forced to confront when we stop running. The itchiness and ache that lives in our shoulders, our tummies, our heart of feeling inadequate. Not knowing ourselves. Feeling worthless unless we are proving or achieving or garnering attention.
WAKING UP & GETTING UNCOMFORTABLE
Here’s are some truths: we NEED to get quiet and slow down in order to listen and hear ourselves. We NEED to step outside of our comfort zones in order to truly uplevel, expand and grow. We are meant to stretch beyond the confines of our current state and reach for something that propels us upward and forward. When we allow ourselves to feel….. Is when we start to heal. Learning to source worthiness and value and satisfaction and belonging from WITHIN.
And when we align with our higher self and divinity, we know that the sky’s the limit and our wildest dreams are made to be realized. When we are in tune with the highest version of ourselves, we resonate on a frequency that exudes excitement, possibility, expansion and freedom. We attract and align with the energy that creates worlds and allows us to imagine the life we are creating through our visioning.
THE LANGUAGE OF HIGHER SELF
So what does tuning into our intuition actually feel like? What is the language of creativity, love and expansion? It feels like possibilities – not doubt. It feels flowy, and playful, and open and imaginative. When we’re aligned with our higher self, we’ll find ourselves dreaming bigger and bolder. It feels like excitement and freedom. Like soaring high above ourselves without limitations. Creation feels like love in its fullest expression. It feels like generosity and an overflowing fountain of imagination and innovation.
It’s in this world of calculated risks and dream weaving that we can harness the power of imagination and the potent fuel of creativity to step into newer ways of existing. The other truth is: we are built to fail. We grow through challenge. We face hardship – and we persevere. There’s nothing about transformation that is easy or without learning new skills and ways of being. And why should it be? Shying away from that which prompts us to stretch and grow only keeps us small. While reaching for something outside of ourselves beyond easy access creates strong desire for and momentum towards change. And for us humans, the seekers and wayfarers who courageously yearn for discovery…..change is what draws us forward.
If any of these wisdoms and truth appeal to you or nudge your higher self forward, feel free to book a 1:1 discovery call with us and we can explore if a workshop or retreat is right for you to explore deeper.
Wild Women Tribe 